Ahab Has A Blog.

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romans 1:32
New Mileage rate: .405

Funny, the press falls into the trap of considering the NSA domestic spying scandal as a contest of ideas between the government and the press. I rather thought it was a contest between fundamental American values vs. unchecked governmental power. But, hey, when some white house stooge puts it that as a free press issue, it flatters the press, and so they distort the debate. too bad for the american people.

all they have to do is say "publicizing this endangers the USA; our playbook is on page one, while al quaeda's is secret". really? actually, al qaeda's playbook has been on page one for quite some time now: announce attacks before springing them; engage multiple attacks simultaneously; use spectacular attacks on insecure targets; use a mysterious, charismatic leader to inspire new leadership worldwide; keep ties loose so the organization cannot be easily taken down by capturing senior members;

so.. let's see if bushie boy has been paying attention.

1. don't catch OBL
2. steal hundreds of millions of nail clippers from innocent americans while leaving plenty of soft targets (because you can't protect them all), as opposed to focusing our billions on locating existing cells or gaming the next possible target
3. announce a capture of al qaeda's #2 or #3 in charge every couple of months.
4. distribute anti-terror funds on the basis of politics, not risk
5. protect critical targets capable of doing the most damage:
6. appoint unqualified cronies to response agencies and give no attention to remediation
7. outsource without regard to effectiveness - cost OR results. use an uncompetetive process directed at business world cronies.
8. Shut down the terrorist training camps in afghanistan, and turn iraq into the biggest and best training camp the world of terror has ever known, with no order and no security, plenty of unemployed elite army members, fervent islamacists, untold tons of explosive material available, and a populace with an unsympathetic view of the targets.

1. find OBL. nuff said.
2. minimize the stimulus to formation of new terrorists, cells, and organizations. don't pick new fights with al qaeda: keep the focus on their unprovoked attacks on civilian targets and the unislamic nature of this behavior
3. Protect the most critical resources with stringent security - nuclear plants, major financial institutions, water, power plants, other infrastructure. focus attention based on the number of people potentially affected. do not waste energy on targets too diffuse to be protected - shopping malls, tiny rural towns.
4. in forming a DHS, find the people and organzations already in government who excel in the following areas; arabic and islamic culture, disaster relief, biowarfare
5. redefine their missions towards DHS, empower them to train other public safety organizations throughout the country, and use outside contractors to help develop spread this training rapidly throughout the nation.
6. Don't

Proponents of "Intelligent Design" are prone to say things like "Well, if you saw a Buick on a beach, would you conclude that it just made itself out of nothing? Duh.

What they don't see is that things made by designers that we know of bear little resemblance to the things evolution is said to have engendered.

Ever seen a Buick repair itself? Not much comparison to the starfish cut in half that grows into two new starfish. Try that with your Buick.

Ever seen a watch build a new watch? No, stupid.

Name one example of anything that a designer makes that resembles a living form? Eh.

Lightning Bolt.

I still fucking love Lightning Bolt.

Lightning Motherfucking Bolt. I heard a track of the new rec on WFMU and sweet loving god it kicks ass. If you dig the prog/noise/asskicking thing, you can't avoid this band. America finally steps up into territory previously P0WN3D by japanese bands. It's a two piece band that sounds like a horde of wasps on crystal meth, playing AC/DC songs tuned both up and down several octaves.

But what surprised me was that having heard it all before, the new track just fucking slayed me. Lightning Bolt still rules. Somehow they got tighter and more focused, as if it were possible. It's still hard to believe that there aren't four people here. They are from fucking Providence, RI, and they kick my ass.

Correct swearing

Rule #132 of swearing correctly, by R.J. Dorfmonger: When using "fucken" as an adjective, never follow it with "um" or "uh".

The Darwin Awards 2005

1. When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach, California, would-be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked..... And now, the honorable mentions:

2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting machine and, after a little hopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company expecting negligence, sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and lost a finger. The chef's claim was approved.

3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his Vehicle to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.

4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.

5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.

6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer...$15. (If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is a crime committed?)

7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.

8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes, officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from."

9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan, at 5 a.m., flashed a gun,demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast . The man, frustrated, walked away.

A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER!

10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.

"And the day will come when the mystical generation of Jesus, by the supreme being as his father in the womb of a virgin will be classed with the fable of the generation of Minerve in the brain of Jupiter. But may we hope that the dawn of reason and freedom of thought in these United States will do away with this artificial scaffolding, and restore to us the primitive and genuine doctrines of this most venerated reformer of human errors."
-Thomas Jefferson, Letter to John Adams, April 11, 1823

"I never submitted the whole system of my opinions to the creed of any party of men whatever in religion, in philosophy, in politics, or in anything else where I was capable of thinking for myself. Such an addiction is the last degradation of a free and moral agent."
-Thomas Jefferson, letter to Francis Hopkinson, March 13, 1789